Little Red Riding Hood is a story that has been reshaped and revised for hundreds of years. It has been touched by the hands of Charles Perrault, the Brothers Grimm and more recently by computer animation in Hoodwinked. Only a red cape, a grandmother, a wolf and the woods are necessary to deem a story a retelling of this classic fable. Catherine Hardwicke’s Red Riding Hood contains all of these elements, but little beyond these symbols exist to connect her story to its more classical narrative.

In this rendition, the girl cloaked in red is no longer a child, but now a young woman. She lives in a medieval village that is isolated from the outside world because of an evil creature that haunts and torments the town. Monthly, during each full moon, the townsmen sacrifice their finest livestock to keep the beast’s murderous tendencies dormant. Violence still erupts, though, and a young woman is slaughtered. The victim’s inconsolable sister is Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) and the rightful owner of the nearly blood red cloak. Her grief for her deceased sister is immense, but her ultimate torment comes from the agony of a star-crossed romance with a man that she cannot have.

Peter, played by Shiloh Fernandez, is that one true love. He is a dangerous and handsome woodcutter, destined to be poor, but consistent in his broody sex appeal. Tragically, she is betrothed to Henry (Max Irons). Henry is an amicable, attractive and quite wealthy fellow, but far too passive and decent to win Valerie’s heart. She has no fire for him, but his love to her remains true. Basically, just think of Team Edward and Team Jacob and nearly all of the details regarding the love triangle will be explained.

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The film’s title, Just Go with It, may appear to be a description of the plot, but it could just as easily be applied as a message to the audience. If you plan on going to see this movie, don’t think about it too much and “just go with it”.  The film is the most recent product of “Happy Madison,” Sandler’s production company, whose reputation  is so abysmal that none of its 23 features have received a “fresh” rating from Rotten Tomatoes. I highly doubt that this film will alter that statistic. However, it is certainly not the foulest of the bunch.

While I can’t remember the opening shots of the movie, the first visuals that I do recall is that of a giant, poorly applied prosthetic nose. I bring this up, not because it is particularly funny or that it served any purpose to the plot, but because it is this kind of ridiculousness that drives a lot of the humor in the film. Adam Sandler plays Danny Maccabee and the nose was attached to him. In a flashback scene, he leaves his own wedding, brokenhearted, after learning about his fiancée’s unabashed infidelities.

He winds up in a bar with a faux wedding ring around his finger and learns something that changes his life. Apparently, being married helps men pick up chicks. He loses the nose, becomes a plastic surgeon and a libertine of sorts, all with the help of his wedding ring. The women he catches don’t appear to have a shred of intelligence, but they do all seem to be hot and this serves Danny’s relationship aspirations for roughly the next twenty years.

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The Tourist really wants to be the perfect Saturday night date movie. It is the kind of film that could be described entirely in clichéd one-liners, but that’s okay because it embraces this and wants to be entertaining nonetheless. Full of intrigue, romance, espionage and glamour, what it is lacking is nothing on the surface.

The problem is that there is nothing more to the film than its exterior. It is stylish, chic and not difficult to watch, but there really isn’t any more substance to it than an unsigned “Wish You Were Here” postcard of Venice.

Directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, whose film The Lives of Others won the 2007 Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film, The Tourist should be in good hands. It was written by Donnersmarck, as well as two other very capable writers: Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects) and Julian Fellowes (Gosford Park).

These are people that know how to make a good movie. Add stars like Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie and something delicious should be boiling at the surface, instead it felt more like a bowl of microwaved condensed soup.

A loose remake of the 2005 French film Anthony Zimmer directed by Jérôme Salle, the film is a giant nod to the great romantic crime capers of the 50s and 60s, most obviously Charade and To Catch a Thief. It is about a tourist, Frank Tupelo (Johnny Depp), a math teacher from Wisconsin who meets a striking, mysterious woman called Elise, played by Angelina Jolie.

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Rarely did I get to actually go to “The Movies” as a child. The family instead always went to what we called the “$1 show” at  the cinemaplex that showed movies that had been released a few weeks or months prior. However, my parents always made an effort to get me to the latest Disney release, probably because they knew how my eyes would light up as the Disney castle formed from what I could only assume was the swelling of “When You Wish Upon a Star”.

These were always special occasions. The theater felt a little cleaner, the screen seemed slightly brighter and the sound always felt a tiny bit crisper. The chairs were comfier too. I, of course, didn’t fully realize this at eight years old, but I did know that going to the “real” theater was special. As soon as the titles began, I was glued to my seat and I attempted to not blink for the remaining duration of the film.

Being the kind of girl who didn’t understand why I couldn’t wear dresses all the time, the Disney “Princess” movies were my favorites.  I would spend countless hours after school memorizing every line to Beauty and the Beast, I replaced Jasmine with Barbie as my favorite doll, and for a while every toy I had I deemed “Ariel.”

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