Machete Kills plays like a late Roger-Moore era Bond film — and not just because there’s a lot of visual cues and ideas taken from Moonraker — the action and the humor are constantly fighting for dominance, and the humor, regardless of whether it’s appropriate or not, makes sense within the context of the scene or not, hell, is funny or not, usually wins out. Though, to be fair, the plot of Machete Kills is a lot easier to follow than the plot of Octopussy.

Machete (Danny Trejo), in case you didn’t see the first film…or the trailer on which it was based, is an ex-Federale-turned-spy-or-something-like-that-but-all-around-badass, seemingly indestructible and legendary throughout Mexico. His latest “case” has him busting up a gun-running ring, apparently sponsored by the U.S. Army, and distributed to the Mexican cartel. Gun fights, explosions, dramatic standoff music, and hell ensues. Machete is somehow the only survivor when the cops show up, and by the next scene we’re in the local sheriff’s office and Machete is swinging from the ceiling with a noose around his neck. And then the President calls.

And the President is…Charlie Sheen. Naturally. He needs Machete to hunt down and kill Mendez (Damian Bichir), a nutty terrorist with a vendetta against the cartel who’s moved on to threatening the U.S. with a nuclear device. The catch is that once Machete finds him, Mendez reveals that the trigger for the bomb is tied to his heartbeat, so once he dies, boom. And he’s also put a hit out on himself that everyone in Mexico is trying to cash in on.

This week’s Monday Pick comes to us from the wonderful world of the king of Independent cinema, Mr. Roger Corman, who produced the low-budget version of Jaws, and that movie was the Joe Dante classic Piranha (1978). Cashing in on the “animals run amok” craze of the late 1970s, Dante and screenwriters John Sayles and Richard Robinson crafted a truly unique horror film that quickly gained a huge cult following.

The film centers around a young woman named Maggie McKeown (Heather Menzies) who is hired to find two missing teenagers who were hiking in the vicinity of Lost River Lake. Maggie enlists the help of a backwoods drunk named Paul Grogan (Bradford Dillman) to be her guide and to help her find the two missing teens. Paul and Maggie’s search brings them to an abandoned military installation with a giant pool filled with salt water. Maggie and Paul enter the facility and find a series of mutant specimens and preserved experiments. Maggie finds the master control in order to drain the pool and see whether or not the teens possibly drowned. Maggie pulls the lever and is suddenly attacked by the facility’s caretaker who is knocked unconscious, as he was trying to stop the pool from draining.

Maggie and Grogan take the man back to Grogan’s cabin where he has sustained further injuries after he crashed Maggie’s jeep in an attempt to flee. The man is tied down to a bed and is frantic when he awakens and learns that the pool had been drained. Grogan decides to take the injured man down river in a homemade raft. As the three trek down river, the man introduces himself as Dr. Robert Hoak (played by Dante alumni Kevin McCarthy) a military scientist who explains that the pool was filled with genetically engineered piranhas for a project codenamed Operation: Razorteeth, a plan which was to introduce the deadly strain of fish that could survive in the coldwater river systems of North Vietnam.

This week’s pick is the 1979 Roger Corman cult classic Rock ‘N’ Roll High School which features the legendary NYC punk rock band The Ramones in their first ever feature film. Corman alumni Allan Arkush who began his career with Roger Corman’s New World Pictures in the mid 1970s directed the film. Corman’s company helped launch numerous careers for many directors like Joe Dante, Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola, Peter Bogdanovitch, Jonathan Demme, Ron Howard and the Zucker brothers.

P.J. Soles stars as Riff Randall, a rebellious teenager who challenges the authority of Vince Lombardi High School’s newest principle, Evelyn Togar (Mary Woronov) who rules over the school with an overwhelming hatred of rock ‘n’ roll music and will stop at nothing to keep it from disrupting the students. When Riff learns that The Ramones are coming to town to play a concert, she plans to get backstage and deliver to Joey Ramone a song she wrote titled “Rock ‘N’ Roll High School”.

Soon after learning that many of the school’s students will be attending the concert, principal Togar confiscates Riff and her best friend Kate’s tickets thwarting any attempt Riff has at getting her song to The Ramones. At the same time, High school jock Tom Roberts (played by tennis player turned actor Vince Van Patten) hires the school’s business guru Eaglebauer (Clint Howard) to be his dating consultant in an attempt to get a date with Riff Randall.

If you love old B-movies, you can’t miss Shout Factory’s line of “Roger Corman’s Cult Classics” DVD collections. Horror, fantasy, science fiction, grindhouse- all are represented in these neat 3- and 4-film multi-packs.

The Vampires, Mummies, and Monsters collection is kind of a B-movie potluck. The four films on two discs created over a span of 17 years have incredibly different looks, tones, and yes, monsters.

Once upon a time, the state of cinemas was a gritty, hilarious, violent place filled with guns, big boobs, and every kind of animal wanting to kill and/or eat your flesh. These days, everything is dumbed down to the least common denominator, but with an homage to some of those classic film genres.

Now, you can get to see exactly what that world was like with a brand new documentary delving into the eclectic mind of cinematic legend Roger Corman in Corman’s World: Exploits of a Hollywood Rebel. Here’s the premise.

CORMAN’S WORLD: EXPLOITS OF A HOLLYWOOD REBEL is a tantalizing and star-studded tribute to Roger Corman, Hollywood’s most prolific writer-director producer, and seminal influencing force in modern moviemaking over the last 60 years. Featuring interviews with Hollywood icons and cinematic luminaries, some who launched their careers within Corman’s unforgettable world of filmmaking, including Paul W.S. Anderson, Peter Bogdanovich, Robert De Niro, Peter Fonda, Pam Grier, Ron Howard, Eli Roth, Martin Scorsese, William Shatner and Jack Nicholson, along with many others, this documentary chronicles how Corman created his cult film empire, one low-budget success at a time, capitalizing on undiscovered talent, and pushing the boundaries of independent filmmaking.

The film is set to hit select theaters on December 16th, but you can check out the very first trailer for it after the jump.

What makes a movie a classic? Is it some kind of social significance? Or, is it what the movie meant to people when it first came out? Or maybe its just fondly remembered for its amazing cheesiness and being so bad its good? I’m pretty sure Roger Corman’s Battle Beyond the Stars falls into that last category.

However, even if it happens to be made of 100% real cheese, that doesn’t stop it from also begin pretty awesome and, shall we say it, a classic. Now this film is getting the Blu-ray and DVD treatment it deserves with a super special 30th anniversary edition, soon to be released by Shout! Factory.

To begin to understand the scope of this film’s cult classic status, you have to take a look at the people involved in it. They represent some of the biggest names working in movies today. Back then, they were just a bunch of kids with an idea for a space movie.

Here’s a small list of those involved. See if you recognize any of the names: John Sayles, Richard Thomas, Robert Vaughn, George Peppard, John Saxon, James Horner, Gale Anne Hurd and, of course, Roger Corman. Oh yeah, James cameron also did the special effects for the movie. He’s come a long way since then.

Click throuhg for the full info from Shout! Factory. Look for Battle Beyond the Stars in stores on June 12th. Also after the break we’ve included the original trailer for the film as well. It’s not great quality but watch it and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.

Gratuitous underwater lesbian makeout sequences, severed limbs flying at the audience in 3D, and comic amounts of blood flying everywhere.  These are the elements that made Piranha 3D one of the most successful crowd pleasers last year.  Not since Snakes on a Plane have we seen a movie so terrible, yet so entertaining, that it is worth a viewing from even the most sophisticated film buffs.

How could you not make a sequel? Dimension Films just revealed that they started production on the sequel to the Roger Corman remake in Wilmington, NC.  The press release reads:

“There’s something in the water . . . again.  And this time no one is safe from the flesh eating fish as they sink their razor sharp teeth into the visitors of the best summer attraction, The Big Wet Water Park.”

John Gulager is taking the helm for this one after having directed the Feast trilogy prior to this.  A rather eclectic cast of smaller horror/thriller actors has already been announced, including Danielle Panabaker from The Crazies, Chris Zylka of My Super Psycho Sweet 16 and the upcoming The Amazing Spiderman, and, most surprisingly, David Koechner of Anchorman and other Apatow comedies.

Just in case you thought things couldn’t get more ridiculous than Sharktopus, a film about a half-shark, half-octopus that terrorizes Eric Roberts and a bunch of D-list actors, we’ve got one more for you.

In a recent interview on This Week in Horror, master of the B-movie Roger Corman announced that as a followup to his underground smash-hit Sharktopus, he’s playing monster maker once again with his newest film, Piranhaconda.

Aside from creating new species, Corman is also pitting them against one another. His recent films are also Dinocroc vs. Supergator and has expressed his plans on battling even more of his Darwin-hating concoctions.

Check out what Corman has to say about PiranhaConda after the break.

As if you needed any more reason to see Sharktopus on Blu-Ray and DVD, who doesn’t love when the master of schlocky creature cinema has as much involvement as possible. Not only did both Roger and wife  Julie Corman produce the film, but Roger himself gets the illustrious part of “beach bum” in the film.

For those who were under a non-geeky rock last year when the film debuted, here’s the synopsis:

An eight-tentacled nightmare hybrid of shark and octopus, “S-11” was created by genetic scientist Nathan Sands (Eric Roberts) as the U.S. Navy’s next super-weapon. But when its control implants are damaged during a training experiment off the Mexican coast, the beast escapes to Puerto Vallarta to sample the local fare — bikini babes, jet-skiers, and spring-breakers. With the ocean terror now out of control and seemingly invincible, a ragtag group – comprised of a hotshot mercenary, an investigative reporter, and Sand’s biomechanical engineer daughter – have come together to stop the unholy beast from turning a seaside tourist resort into the ultimate human buffet.

In this clip we have for you, we get to see Corman as the forementioned beach bum, and also get a sneak listen at the commentary recorded by both Julie and Roger.

Catch Sharktopus on DVD and Blu-Ray on March 15th.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…again, there is one more carnivore that you have to watch out for, and that’s Roger Corman’s Dinoshark. That’s right, the monstrous and ancient Dinoshark is making it’s way to Blu-Ray and DVD.

From the Anchor Bay press release:

Born in Antarctica, Dinoshark noses his way down the warmer currents to Mexico, towards a popular vacation spot crowded with party-goers unwittingly ready to fall prey to a prehistoric eating machine.  When the killings begin, it becomes clear that no normal animal can be responsible for such savagery.

Local captain Trace McGraw (Eric Balfour – “24”, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Skyline) and marine biologist Carol (Iva Hasperger – “CSI”, “Cold Case”) seem to be the only ones convinced that the creature terrorizing their shores is something other than the expected man-eating shark.  They enlist the help of the world’s only expert on the Dinoshark (Roger Corman himself).  Together, will they be able to reel Dinoshark in?