I should be a millionaire right now. Thirty-five minutes into this purported suburban romantic comedy, I muttered to my companion, “I’ll bet you a million dollars this movie was written by a couple of middle-aged guys.”

Fifty-five long minutes later the movie was finally over and there were the writer credits: Ian Helfer and Jay Reiss. I don’t know anything about them but I do know this: they don’t think much of women (mother issues, big time) and they aren’t too clear about the definitions of either “romantic” or “comedy.” Anyway, I called it and I want my money. At least the million dollars would make me feel better about 91 minutes of my life wasted on The Oranges.

So here’s the deal: there are these two families who live across the street from one another in identical white Colonial houses in a pleasant tree-lined neighborhood in West Orange, NJ. The couples (Allison Janney and Oliver Platt are the Ostroffs, Katherine Keener and Hugh Laurie are the Wallings) are best friends who do everything together, including jogging, weekends and holidays. They have children close in age. They live the perfect lives.

You’ve seen enough of these suburban take-downs to know that everything—yes, EVERYTHING—is a lie. A fucking lie. American Beauty has nothing on this movie.

In addition to the recent casting of Adam Brody and Marley Shelton in Wes Craven’s Scream 4, we can also add one of our favorite actresses from one of our favorite shows: Alison Brie of NBC’s hit show Community. And we couldn’t be happier about it.

Brie joins a host of young acting talent lining up to be slashed in the Dimension Films reboot of the franchise including Emma Roberts, Hayden Panettiere, Rory Culkin, Nico Tortorella and Erik Knudsen. In addition, as we mentioned earlier, surviving original franchise stars Neve Campbell, David Arquette and Courteney Cox also will return for the film.

In the film Brie will play Rebecca, the ambitions person assistant to Campbell’s character who secretly envies her boss’ reluctant fame and fortune. Do we sense a catfight brewing? Perhaps.

Filming on Scream 4 recently began in Michigan with the intent of an April 15th, 2011 release. You can bet we’ll be following this one closely.

“A woman cannot subsist on quality films alone”–Shannon Hood

Let me explain with a food analogy, if I may. For the most part, I am a food Nazi. I try to eat really well, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, watch my fat and sugar intake, and every once in a while I find myself in the McDonald’s drive through That quarter-pounder with cheese is damn delicious when I eat it.

Afterward, I usually feel guilty. I know that it is not good for me.  I know it lacks nutritional value, and really is not a quality offering, but I have to admit that I had a good time consuming it.

Such is the case with Cop Out, the first feature film that has been directed, but not written, by Kevin Smith. There is no way I can possibly sit here and tell you this is a good movie.  It is not, by any stretch of the imagination. It is really, really stupid. But I laughed.  A lot.  *hangs head in shame*

Let’s face facts. If you happened upon the trailer for this a few months ago, and after viewing it, you circled February 26 on your calendar and thought to yourself  “I cannot WAIT to see that,”  then you will not be disappointed. What you see is what you get. You don’t need my advice here. This is pure cinematic junk food, which may or may not be what you are craving.

Jennifer’s Body is the eagerly awaited follow up to 2007’s indie film juggernaut Juno.  Screenwriter Diablo Cody exploded onto the pop culture landscape, became an overnight sensation, and won an Academy Award for penning the story. Almost immediately after her catapult to fame,  a backlash began against the writer. The anti-establishment proclaimed her over-rated. So the question riding on this film is this:  Is she a one-hit-wonder or is she a legitimately talented screenwriter?

I don’t believe she ever had a chance of lightning striking twice and you can only star in a Cinderella story one time. However, Cody wisely chose to distance herself from her freshman debut and completely changed genres for her second movie. The result is this comedy/horror hybrid about a voracious vamp who develops an unhealthy appetite for the flesh of male classmates. Since the movie revolves around teenagers, Cody is able to drop plenty of her trademark dialogue, (or Cody-isms as we bloggers like to call them). Hot boys are “salty morsels” , boobs are “smart bombs” and Jennifer (Megan Fox) sneers “you’re so Jell-o” to someone she thinks is jealous. If you were annoyed by the snarky dialogue in Juno,  you won’t be doing yourself any favors by seeing this movie. However,  I  enjoyed the dialogue and found that it added a deliciously campy feel to the movie.

Break.com recently posted a heartfelt PSA from Megan Fox, who encouraged high school kids everywhere to stand up against peer pressure and not be afraid of being different. “What really matters,” Fox explains, “is being yourself, and if that includes slowly killing, then eating every boy in your school, then I say do it.”

Wait…what?

It turns out the PSA is actually promoting the black comedy/horror flick, Jennifer’s Body, Diablo Cody’s follow-up to Juno. Fox plays Jennifer Check, a sexy, popular cheerleader that every girl wants to befriend and every boy wants to date. Jennifer’s interest in boys changes significantly after a satanic ritual goes horribly wrong, leaving Jennifer possessed by a demon who feeds off the boys at her high school.

Jennifer’s Body also stars Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons and Adam Brody and will be devouring audiences on September 18.

Catch Fox’s special PSA after the jump. Strong language is used, so viewers beware.