Machete Kills plays like a late Roger-Moore era Bond film — and not just because there’s a lot of visual cues and ideas taken from Moonraker — the action and the humor are constantly fighting for dominance, and the humor, regardless of whether it’s appropriate or not, makes sense within the context of the scene or not, hell, is funny or not, usually wins out. Though, to be fair, the plot of Machete Kills is a lot easier to follow than the plot of Octopussy.

Machete (Danny Trejo), in case you didn’t see the first film…or the trailer on which it was based, is an ex-Federale-turned-spy-or-something-like-that-but-all-around-badass, seemingly indestructible and legendary throughout Mexico. His latest “case” has him busting up a gun-running ring, apparently sponsored by the U.S. Army, and distributed to the Mexican cartel. Gun fights, explosions, dramatic standoff music, and hell ensues. Machete is somehow the only survivor when the cops show up, and by the next scene we’re in the local sheriff’s office and Machete is swinging from the ceiling with a noose around his neck. And then the President calls.

And the President is…Charlie Sheen. Naturally. He needs Machete to hunt down and kill Mendez (Damian Bichir), a nutty terrorist with a vendetta against the cartel who’s moved on to threatening the U.S. with a nuclear device. The catch is that once Machete finds him, Mendez reveals that the trigger for the bomb is tied to his heartbeat, so once he dies, boom. And he’s also put a hit out on himself that everyone in Mexico is trying to cash in on.

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FX has released a first teaser for Charlie Sheen’s upcoming comedy series Anger Management. The teaser doesn’t include any actual footage from the show, as it is just beginning production.

The series is a sitcom version of the 2003 feature film which starred Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler. In the original. Sandler plays a businessman who can’t express his feelings properly. He is wrongly sentenced to an anger-management program, where he meets an overly aggressive instructor played by Nicholson. The television series is expected to follow a similar format.

The teaser shows Sheen in a coffin, which is a playful reference to Sheen’s turbulent last year, as well as the off screen death of his character on CBS’ Two And A Half Men, and symbolizes his rebirth. We’ll have to see if the show can resurrect the perpetual joke that has been Charlie “Winning” Sheen over the last year.

Check out the teaser after the jump.

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• Charlie Sheen’s big roast on Comedy Central is happening Monday and this new spot starring both Charlie and Martin Sheen is having us buy that it may be pretty funny.

• Apparently, hockey is cool again, between Kevin Smith’s upcoming hockey epic and the first trailer for Sean William Scott’s Goon (not to be confused with the comic), things are looking pretty violent in sports cinema.

• For those who were suckered into watching the series finale of Entourage on Sunday and got the complete lack of an ending that was given, this is how the series should have ended for everyone.

• PSA’s are all the rage these days, so isn’t it about time the web video community started mocking them? We think so, with this PSA about driving recklessly.

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While all of the drama happened between former star of CBS’s Two and a Half Men, Charlie Sheen, the show’s creator, Chuck Lorre, and the new replacement, Ashton Kutcher, one question never got raised: How do you explain to the fans what happened to Charlie’s character on the show?

That’s one detail Lorre seems to have down all too well, as the details of Charlie Harper’s gruesome death have been revealed to those who saw the taping of the show. Needless to say, it’s not very funny. Here’s the report from ScreenRant.

Charlie is going to be murdered by being pushed in front of a subway car, and his body literally explodes from the impact.

According to those at the taping, here’s how Charlie Harper’s death happens:

• In the Two and a Half Men season 8 finale, Harper flew off to Paris with Rose – his neighbor/stalker.
• Harper and Rose got married (during the fictional summer), but the relationship took a turn for the worse when she found him with another woman in the shower.
• The day after catching Harper in the shower with another woman, they were waiting for the Paris subway when Harper “slipped” in front of a moving car where his body blew apart upon impact.
• It’s implied that Rose pushed Harper in front of the subway and got away with his murder.

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Welcome to another edition of On the Radar where we delve into all corners of the entertainment, tech and geek Internets for news, views and whatnot that may have escaped our regular coverage during the week. Let is know if we missed something interesting.

Let’s get started!

• Want to learn how to have the body of Spider-Man and the creepiness of a grown man in tights hanging out with kids? This instructional workout video hosted by Spider-Man himself should help!

• Homemade puppets aren’t usually a collection that one brags about, but this homemade Wheatley puppet from Portal 2 is definitely one to show all of your friends as they drool with envy.

• The very first episode of Adult Swim’s Black Dynamite animated series has made it online before it hits TV. Bring on the animated exploitation!

• The folks at Sesame Street feel like enough is enough and have decided to come forward with an official statement about whether Bert & Ernie are actually gay or not.

• What do Kanye West, Jay-Z, Aziz Ansari and Spike Jonze all have in common? They all came together to bring us the official music video for “Otis” and it’s pretty awesome.

• Hot off of his Oscar win for the Social Network score, get your first taste of what Trent Reznor is bringing to the table in the score for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

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Probably a bit too late for it to be popular, but Comedy Central has been scraping the bottom of the “who’s funny right now” barrel with Hasselhoff and Donald Trump being the last few names to grace the Comedy Central Roast stage. Now it seems they’re still trying to catch up with the viral webgoers, as Charlie Sheen has agreed to star in his very own roast. They even have a hashtag reserved!

NEW YORK, July 5, 2011 – COMEDY CENTRAL has secured one of Hollywood’s most notorious bad boys.  The network announced today that Charlie Sheen will be the next Roastee.  The “COMEDY CENTRAL Roast Of Charlie Sheen” (#SheenRoast) will tape in Los Angeles on Saturday, September 10.

The Roast will premiere on COMEDY CENTRAL on Monday, September 19 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT.

“You could say I’ve been providing kindling for this Roast for a while,” said Sheen.  “It’s time to light it up.  It’s going to be epic.”

The true hilarity of this whole thing is that the Roast is set to air on the debut night of Ashton Kutcher on CBS’ Two and a Half Men. Coincidence? We absolutely think not. Be sure to catch them (both) on September 19th.

Happy Memorial Day to all those currently serving in the U.S. armed forces, and to you vets of America’s foreign wars.  This week’s pick is Oliver Stone’s 1986 Academy Award winner for Best Picture Platoon, which depicts the horrors and struggles of infantrymen figthing not only the enemy, but themselves during one of the most difficult periods of the Vietnam conflict.

The film stars Charlie Sheen (Chris Taylor), Tom Berenger (SSgt. Bob Barnes), Willem Dafoe (Sgt. Elias), Forest Whitaker (Big Harold), Francesco Quinn (Rhah), John C. McGinley (Sgt. O’Neill), Kevin Dillon (Bunny), Reggie Johnson (Junior), Keith David (King), Johnny Depp (Lerner), Mark Moses (Lt. Wolfe), Chris Pedersen (Crawford), Corey Glover (Francis), and veteran Marine and the film’s technical advisor Dale Dye (Captain Harris).

The film is an autobiographical account of Stone’s own experiences during 1967-68 as told by a fresh-faced new recruit Chris Taylor (Sheen) who dropped out of college and volunteers for combat duty in Vietnam.  The film opens with Taylor’s arrival in country as he and others deplane from an Air Force transport.  Taylor and fellow recruit Gardner (Bob Orwig) see body bags which are being loaded onto their plane.

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In an act that is sure to completely melt Twitter, it looks like Chuck Lorre and CBS Studios have found a replacement for the hard to work with Charlie Sheen, who was fired from Two and a Half Men back in March. That man? Former That 70′s Show star Ashton Kutcher.

The deal is supposedly all done but no official announcement from CBS has yet to appear. However, several sources have all but confirmed it  From THR:

Two sources close to the deal-making tell The Hollywood Reporter that the actor is putting the final touches on a deal to replace Charlie Sheen as the star of TV’s No. 1 comedy. CBS, studio Warner Bros. and Kutcher’s reps at CAA declined to comment on the situation but a deal is said to be all but signed. The exact dollar figure he will be paid is not known but a source says Kutcher is getting a “huge payday” to join the hit sitcom.

The deal came together quickly in the wake of Hugh Grant passing on the opportunity to join the show. Now sources say Men creator Chuck Lorre has crafted a storyline to introduce Kutcher in a way that satisfies the network and studio. “It’s really funny,” says one source. “People are going to love it.”

The news comes as barely a surprise and more of an “I can totally see that!” for most fans of either Men or Kutcher’s previous work in the sitcom world. No word on how this will effect Sheen’s current “Torpedoes of Truth” world tour, but you can expect between Kutcher’s 7.6 million Twitter followers and Sheen’s 3.8 million, people will be pushing their 140-character limit over the next few days as the deal is finalized.

Welcome to another edition of On the Radar where we delve into all corners of the entertainment, tech and geek Internets for news, views and whatnot that may have escaped our regular coverage during the week. Let is know if we missed something interesting.

Let’s get started!

• Chuck Lorre is developing a Sheen-less reboot of Two and a Half Men for CBS. Would this be considered #cheating?

• As if Lex Luthor didn’t have enough reason to hate him, Superman recently renounced his US citizenship in the comics so that DC can appeal to a more global audience.

• A brand new poster for Green Lantern has hit the web showing off way more Corps members than we can name. Check out the full-res image here.

• Zach Galifiniakis is out, but Jeff Bridges may be picking up the slack to play alongside Ryan Reynolds in the big-screen adaptation of R.I.P.D.

• Those of you hoping for an animated Ant-Man film with Pixar and Marvel Studios are sadly out of luck, as Chief Creative Officer John Lasseter says there are no plans for a team-up.

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That’s right this week bring an all new episode of The Flickcast. On this week’s show Chris and Matt take on another bunch of new and recurring topics to amuse, entertain and try to keep you awake for at least thirty to forty minutes.

Some of the things discussed this week include SXSW, Emerald City Comic Con, new Tomb Raider reboot, Wonder Woman TV show casting, Superman’s mom and dad, trailers for Limitless and James Gunn’s Super and a whole lot more. And yes, there’s even a mention or two of Charlie Sheen. Sorry, couldn’t help it.

Of course, your hosts also made some picks this week including Matt’s pick of the Re-Animator trilogy featuring Jeffrey Combs and Chris’ pick of the 2002′s Road to Perdition featuring Tom Hanks, Jude Law and pre-Bond Daniel Craig.

As always, if you have comments, questions, critiques, offers of sponsorship or whatever, feel free to hit us up in the comments, on Twitter, at Facebook and MySpace or via email.

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