In case you haven’t heard, there’s an email going around the Internets reportedly written by a young woman in a sorority unhappy with the way her sisters are behaving at various events and around campus. The language in it is, shall we say, colorful.

You could also call it one of the funniest things we’ve read in a long time. So imagine how funny, and awesome, it is when read aloud by actor Michael Shannon.

No need to imagine, folks, because it actually happened. You need to watch this. . . now.

It’s after the break because, let’s face it, it is definitely not safe for work. Enjoy it. We did.

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If you get the clumsy baseball references in the title than you get that this weekend was won by 42. The Jackie Robinson biopic earned an estimated $27+ Million, giving the film one of the strongest baseball movie debuts of all time. The film took advantage of perfect timing and well delivered advertising to get out of the gate strong. Despite the impending the parade of competition, the new baseball season should continue to allow the film to stay relevant for a few more weeks than it really should.

Bombing into second place is Scary Movie 5 which managed to pull in $15 Million, and providing tangible proof that no one cares about the spoof franchise any more. If any one is a victor in this instance it would be the Wayne’s Brothers. They conjured up the franchise with the first brilliant film, but eventually parted ways by the third film. The brothers Waynes got back into the horror spoof game earlier this year with A Haunted House, which shines an even larger light on Scary Movie 5‘s failure.

Sticking in third place is the newest hit from Dreamworks, The Croods. Easing a very light 36%, the film brought in another $13 Million giving the film a total haul of nearly $150 million, which is huge for a new animated IP from a studio with a mixed track record. There still remains scant children entertainment competition in the upcoming Box Office calender, so the film should still perform well in the coming weeks.

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April Fools Day is usually a day that brings tons of fake news, including trailer releases (like that Legend of Zelda trailer that will never be made into a movie *sadface*). But this year, April 1st was the release date of the red band trailer for the unbelievably star-packed action comedy This Is The End starring James Franco (who has had an already packed 2013 with the release of Spring Breakers and Oz The Great and Powerful), Seth Rogen, Emma Watson, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, Jay Baruchel, Craig Robinson, and that’s just the supposed “main cast.” From just watching the trailer, expect appearances by Michael Cera, Rihanna, Kevin Hart, Aziz Ansari, Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Mindy Kaling, and more. Holy freaking casting!

The main plot of the movie is simple: James Franco is throwing a kick-ass party and invites all his friends (because celebrities always party with tons of other celebrities) to have a crazy good time. Until the apocalypse happens. Los Angeles is engulfed in fire and brimstone, monsters and aliens are running rampant, people are looting and killing, mass hysteria basically.

Eventually, the main cast barricade themselves in what’s left of Franco’s house and try to survive. At one point, Emma Watson breaks in with an ax (a freaking AX) to try her hand at some looting, which looks to be successful based on the apparent self-testimonial video that is shot by the guys who are documenting what’s going on during the end of days.

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The current trend in sequel box office returns is tied to perception. Gone are the days of diminishing returns as a rule, these are the golden times for franchises. How the general public feels about the franchise is now king, and the thing about feelings are, they can be changed.

Case in point, GI: Joe: Retaliation.

The franchise had a below average first film that left a sour taste in the mouths of cinema-goers. It did have a strong opening weekend and final total gross so a sequel was inevitable, but something had to be done to ensure the public perception didn’t bury the new film before it had a shot.

Warming the hearts of movie executives everywhere, GI: Joe Retaliation proved that franchise perception can be fixed and sequels to poorly received films have a shot to come out as strong as its predecessor without waiting on word of mouth or reviews to set in.

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There used to be a rule in feature animation. PIXAR was the king of quality and they had a perfect record, Dreamworks had Shrek and a whole train load of Disney and PIXAR knockoffs with star-studded casts. Most of the times those films were turds, and provided a sharp contrast that might have aided in PIXAR’s incredible win streak by providing such horrible comparison.

Well that was the past boys and girls, because the quality gap has been dwindling faster than The Croods just past 100 Million at the international box office. Dreamworks newest animated feature had a solid-to-great opening weekend bringing in over $44 Million. Which puts the film on par with other recent Dreamworks its How to Train Your Dragon and Megamind.

A big weekend was probably expected for The Croods, however, the weekend was not without its shocker. The action flick Olympus Has Fallen surpassed even the most generous of projections to bring in over $30 Million over the weekend. Which is a huge win for an action-centirc film in a year where so many have died horrible box office deaths.

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Sam Raimi sure knows how to make a successful crowd pleaser, his prequel to the most famous movie ever came out with the first blockbuster opening weekend of 2013. Raking in over $80 Million in its debut frame, Oz: The Great and Powerful is well on the way to becoming the first mega hit of the year.

The film didn’t quite reach Alice in Wonderland numbers, but considering the advantages that film had, and the disadvantages Oz faced, the $80 Million haul is a massive win. Expect to see a sequel get rolling very soon as Disney will try to avoid the pitfalls of franchising Alice and put the pedal to the metal on their shiny new franchise-to-be.

Coming in second place on the weekend was last weeks bomb, Jack the Giant Slayer. Jack continues to defy odds by doing  even worse than John Carter at just about every turn. Dropping over 63% from an already weak opening debut and bringing in barely over $10 Million Jack is going to struggle to make $60 Million at the end of its run. Good thing Bryan Singer  has X-Men: Days of Future Past to fall back on, because normally a flop like this is death to a big budget director.

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You know you have had a bad opening weekend when last year’s laughing-stock, John Carter, is looking at your totals and snickers.

Jack the Giant Slayer lead the way of a first week in March box office that came in like a limping lamb. The Bryan Singer directed film made a poor $28 Million over the weekend coming in over two million short of last year’s box office atom bomb.

If the top of the weekend releases was bad, the rest of the top ten was worse. Despite competition from two other new releases, the hit comedy Identity Thief still managed to hold onto second place with $9.7 million. That put the R-rated comedy over $100 million total and setting it on pace to be director Seth Gordon’s biggest hit yet, providing one of the few silver linings from this weekend.

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We live in a glorious bubble of  time. We know Anchorman 2 is going to come out, it has been green lit, it has begun production, and Will Ferrell is sporting a wicked ‘stache. The film exists on a pedestal of excitement that is likely not going to by the finished product. So for these fleeting few months the concept of Anchorman 2 is simply bliss.

Yet while we live in our cocoon anticipation, productions moves steadily on. Often times a new movie means new faces, and Deadline has the scoop on one very funny addition to the Anchorman 2 cast:

Paramount insiders tonight confirmed to me what Christina Applegate tweeted a few hours ago: “So excited Kristen Wiig has joined our cast forAnchorman 2.” The sequel formally titled Anchorman: The Legend stars Will Ferrell and Steve Carell plus Wiig in what the studio says is a “new role”.

Kristen Wiig was very much the Will Ferrell of her SNL generation, often stealing skits just by being on stage, so to see her enter the Anchorman world makes a ton of sense. Wiig has been successfully making the jump from the ‘not ready for prime-time players’ to big screen in the last few years, and landing a new role among such a star-studded cinematic comedy event only further establishes her rising star.

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Is this a parody or a ripoff? Warm Bodies is so up front with its copies — copies– of Twilight that, judging from the trailer alone, by the time it hit theatres, I was sure it had to be a straight-up uppercut to tweener romance. I’m not so sure now.

But I am certain that the leads, Nicholas Hoult and Teresa Palmer, were chosen for their resemblances to Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (respectively, I think), both in looks and in their mutual tendency to overact. The story, however, is lifted from Romeo and Juliet and Zombies — and at least anyone who has yet to take freshman literature should be able to make the connection between Juliet and Julie (Palmer) and R (Hoult) and Romeo. That gets a pass though, since Shakespeare probably stole the story from somewhere else.

Anywho, Julie and R live in your standard zombie apocalypse. A big wall separates the humans from the Corpses (as they’re so called). And there’s a special subset of Corpses called “Bonies” (feel free to giggle like a high-school freshman who has yet to read Romeo and Juliet yet) — these are the folks who’ve decomposed to the point of full-on skeletalization. Somehow they’re still able to move and sniff, but there’s more than a few suspensions of disbelief.

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The fundamental problem with Hyde Park on Hudson is that it promises so many interesting characters and so many spirited performances, and then focuses its attention on the dullest one.

That’s not a reflection on Laura Linney’s performance as Margaret Suckley either; rather she has nothing to work with. When, early in the film, she’s summoned to Franklin Roosevelt (Bill Murray)’s New York retreat, the two embark on countless drives through the country. Are they happy? Content? Angry?

There’s image after image of them driving, accompanied by Linney’s tiresome jabbering narration, and then the tone takes a surreal detour when Frankie pulls over and wordlessly asks for some full service. Any other woman would rightly get the hell out of town, but as the meandering voiceover informs us, it draws the them closer. O-kay.

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About halfway through Playing for Keeps, I noticed that I hadn’t laughed yet but so far had found it pretty watchable. Having Uma Thurman parade around in her frillies certainly doesn’t hurt, and added to that are the ever-delightful wiles of Judy Greer, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Jessica Biel. The movie treats them as basically eye-candy (as well as Gerard Butler), so why can’t I?

Butler plays George, a former soccer superstar recently relocated to Virginia to reclaim his wife Stacie (Biel) and, on the side, reconnect with his son. He spends his mornings filming demo tapes for a shot as an ESPN sportscaster; his afternoons watching his son’s little-league soccer practices; and, later, his nights bedding the many soccer moms.

One day he decides to take over for the apathetic little-league coach, earning the respect of Stacie and the adoration of his son and the previously mentioned soccer moms. He also makes the acquaintance of Carl (Dennis Quaid), a successful businessman and husband of the lovestruck Patti (Thurman) who has an eerie and obnoxious habit of back-slapping like a yokel who’s just told a joke. Anyway, Carl bribes George to put his son in the goalie spot and get his daughter to screech the national anthem before each game.

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YouTube channel Geek & Sundry has announced two new shows premiering next week. On Tuesday, November 13^th, the satirical sci-fi comedy Space Janitors begins. The show follows two custodians, Mike and Darby, who do their best to keep things neat and tidy aboard an evil space station that’s in the middle of an intergalactic war.

Then on Thursday, November 15^th On The Table will fill the tabletop gaming void left by Geek & Sundry’s TableTop, which is going on hiatus until January. Hosted by Warren Johnston, On The Table offers gaming fans the latest news and gives them a chance to submit their own tips, videos and more.

Check out teasers for both shows after the break and be sure to visit Geek and Sundry’s channel for more nerdy goodness.

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It was a strong weekend for Wreck-It Ralph as the Disney animated feature brought in half a million during its opening frame. However, before we get to that some house cleaning from last week.

We missed out on an opportunity to celebrate Argo‘s rise to the number one spot last weekend. Ben Affleck’s film had a solid debut, but it was on the low-end of expectations. In the weeks following, Argo has been holding incredibly well for a movie that is playing on so many screens. Culminating in finally taking the top spot last weekend in an otherwise weak weekend.

How did it do this weekend? Well since it wasn’t number one again you will have to wait to find out. The winner this weekend was Wreck-It Ralph, another Disney animated feature that proves there is still some magic left in the mouse house proper. Coming out with nearly $50 Million, Ralph managed one of Disney’s biggest animated openings. Of course even those lofty numbers pale in comparison to the PIXAR average, but from the studios that brought us Home on the Range, this is great business.

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If you crossed the superhero drama and action of The Justice League with the comedy and style of The Office it’s a good bet you’d have a hit. That’s exactly what actor/writer/director Sandeep Parikh has created in his latest web series Save the Supers.

Parikh and the cast and creators of Save the Supers were on hand at Long Beach Comic & Horror Con to talk about how the show came together. Known for writing and directing the popular Comedy Central web series Legend of Neil and for his role as Zaboo on The Guild, Parikh initially created Save the Supers in 2004. It took until 2012 for his idea to truly come to life but now Parikh’s creation is pulling in 50,000 – 75,000 views per episode and it’s easy to see why. With satirical but creative characters and smart, snappy dialogue, the show will resonate not just with comic book lovers but also with anyone who enjoys being entertained.

Save the Supers follows the Super Force as they face down super villains, navigate office romances, and battle their ever-shrinking budget. Check out the season premiere after the break and see more of Save the Supers on My Damn Channel.

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Oh late October, how you are filled with mystery and intrigue in regards to the Box Office. Last year at this time the third Paranormal Activity ‘film’ set October records with a huge opening. This year another record has been set on this weekend, but not by the sequel to the found footage ghost-a-palooza.

But first we must report on the winner of this weekend, and we use that term loosely. Paranormal Activity 4 could only muster about $30 Million in its opening frame. Now I know what you are saying: ‘Hey, pompous box office reporting guy, $30 Million is a huge first weekend this time of year, especially for a cheap film with a built-in home video audience.’ You would be 100% right, but in this day and age of sequels and remakes, success is often judged on the franchise average and not the actual performance. In that light, PA4 is going to go down as the worst performing of the bunch, and probably by a wide margin too.

Over on the happier end of the spectrum is the growing beast that is Argo. Last weekend the film came in a close second with a solid near $20 Million weekend. This weekend it did something rather incredible, Argo only dropped 14.6% with a total close to $17 Million. This is the best hold ever for a film in such a wide release over a non holiday weekend. Word of mouth has not just buoyed the film, but it has turned a nice performing movie into a record breaker, and one that will likely get much more attention before direct competition arrives in the form of Bond, Jame Bond.  

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