Reality Bits: The Real Housewives Branch Out

Hold on to your implants, the Real Housewives have spawned another bedazzled and botoxed book. New Jersey hausfrau Danielle Staub has been twittering up a storm about her forthcoming tome The Naked Truth: The Real Story Behind the Real Housewife of New Jersey—In her Own Words, and it’s set to hit Amazon et al on May 4, 2010.

Staub, the divorced action-cougar who spends her time waiting for a wealthy man to “rescue” her and her two daughters is the evil nemesis of the Manzo sisters on the hit Bravo series. After no less than five other Housewives alum have penned their own moneymakers, Staub decided to cash in with the rest of them. Let’s review her predecessors:

Never Make the Same Mistake Twice: Lessons on Love and Life Learned the Hard Way by Nene Leakes and Denene Miller. The autobiographical story of Atlanta Housewife Nene Leakes’ struggle with domestic violence and her subsequent success as a realty diva and gay icon is sure to be a sudsy read.

Naturally Thin: Unleash Your SkinnyGirl and Free Yourself from a Lifetime of Dieting by Bethenny Frankel and Eve Adamson. Yup, you guessed it, another diet book. The formerly single and flirty New York (Pent)Housewife is currently touring with her book and preparing for the birth of her first child. She’ll be putting her signature SkinnyGirl Margaritas in a sippy cup in no time.

More Than a Housewife by Vicki Gunvalson. The “woo-hoo” queen of Orange County shares her story and some of the secrets to her success. Gunvalson recently posted some book tour photos on her facebook page with reality pals Jackie Warner, the super sexy star of Workout, Tabitha Coffey of Tabitha’s Salon Takeover, and the finally engaged Patti “Millionaire Matchmaker” Stanger. Two lesbians and a drag queen, that’s how you party in The OC.

Class with the Countess: How to Live with Elegance and Flair by LuAnn De Lesseps. In the midst of major marital drama, the New York Countess dishes on class and etiquette in her modern manners guide. Think Emily Post meets Prince William and Ivanka Trump in a mosh pit.

Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love by Jill Zarin, Gloria Kamen and Lisa Wexler. Oy! Socialite Zarin kept it in the family, partnering with sister Lisa, a radio personality and mother Gloria to capitalize on Zarin’s fifteen minutes as a favorite New York housewife.

The Housewives franchise seems to only be getting bigger, so we will no doubt be seeing many more books on the horizon. Here are the one’s I’m hoping they’ll write:

How to Get Evicted From Multiple Properties and Fail Speak a Coherent Sentence by Lynne Curtain (Orange County)

How to Date a Douchebag by Jo De La Rosa and Gretchen Rossi (Orange County)

My Husband is Gay, but That’s OK Cause I Used to Be a Man by Alex McCord (New York)

I’m Actually Not as Attractive, Classy or Important as I Think I Am by Sheree Whitfield (Atlanta)

I Say Embarrassing Things but I’m Cute So It’s Cool by Teresa Guidice (New Jersey)

With Orange County wrapping up and New York in the bullpen, the Housewives season is just getting started. Don’t worry, Bravo. I won’t be tardy for this party.