For the past few years, I have gone down to Comic Con and there is a girl I have hooked up with the past few years down there. We get along great and keep in touch throughout the year and like clockwork we end up together in San Diego. I could totally see dating her. The problem is I am from Massachusetts and she lives in San Francisco. – LongDistanceTrouble
Long distance is tricky. The end.
How is that for insight and guidance? You’re welcome. Thank me later.
But seriously, there are so many nuances to every long distance romance that it would be tough to find a stock answer that worked for all scenarios.
What I can offer is a few questions to consider before making the plunge into a long distance relationship:
1.) The most obvious question here is does she also consider you datable?
And not in an “if we were in the same city I’d probably date you” sort of way, but in a “you’re worth the stress and aggravation that often comes with having a significant other across the country” type of way. There’s a monumental difference between the two. Take the time to figure out which one most aptly describes her attitude towards dating you.
That’s clearly the first thing you need to address because if she doesn’t see any long-term AND long-distance potential in you then it’s a moot point.
If you pass that test, it’s on to question number two.
2.) What are your two personality types?
After truly considering this question and assessing it in-depth, ask yourself if your personality types are conducive to long-distance dating.
Not everyone is cut out for long distance relationships. In fact, many people aren’t. To go one step further, the majority of people are not and so it’s imperative that you truly understand what a long distance relationship entails.
If you’re someone who places a high importance on physical intimacy then this type of arrangement generally won’t be ideal for you.
If either of you are susceptible to irrational jealousy OR are particularly insecure in any sense of the word then a long distance relationship is NOT for you.
It’s important to assess yourself honestly and accurately. No one wants to view themselves as needy, jealous, or insecure, but the reality is that some people are and those characteristics just aren’t the ingredients that cultivate a healthy long distance relationship.
If you pass the personality test AND so does she, it’s on to question number three.
3.) What is the potential for eventually fusing your lives?
By that I mean, do either of you have a feasible way to pick up and move across country if it gets serious enough?
The ultimate goal of dating is to eventually merge your two lives, and if that isn’t a realistic possibility then it’s probably best to find a gal in Mass. that boasts the qualities you’re seeking.
If you’re a visual person, I’ve created a flow chart to help you make your decision.
Good Luck
