A Geeky Guy’s Survival Kit for ‘Sex and the City 2’

So, you’ve just clicked on my column and your wondering what the frak a commentary of Sex and the City 2 is doing on the epitome of all things geek, also known as The Flickcast? Well, Sex and the City 2 is the epitome of geek sheik… for women. Before continuing, I would ask all guys to scroll down as there are helpful hints on how to survive the Sex and the City 2 experience with your girlfriend.

There are some movies I will wait in line with my fired-up guy friends to experience the madness of a 12:01 screening, such as The Dark Knight. With $3 million in box office cash coming from midnight screenings, it seems some women are yearning for similar evening excitement. I thought about planning the typical midnight screening party and then smarted up. Many a lady enjoy a relaxed, less-crowded Saturday afternoon flick, so I thought I‘d give it a shot.

Since SATC 2 worships luxury brands, what better way to experience this film than with luxury accommodations? I skipped the lines, the sticky seats, and booming sound and opted instead for a screening reminiscent of a 60’s era Pan Am first class flight. Arriving at Gold Class Cinemas in Pasadena, I walked into a modern lounge where I chillaxed for a bit. I was then escorted by the cute wait staff into a private-like screening room that sat around 40.

My first piece of advice to those good guys who willingly accompany their gals is to drink and sit in very comfy chairs. My chair just so happened to be a red suede recliner that featured a happy green button that when pressed brought servers to our seats with stiff Flirtinis, pillows, blankets, and duck tacos in hand.

The recliners, blankets, and pillows will give men a cozy place to take a nap when Dior-draped Carrie and friends go shopping in Morocco…err, I mean Abu Dhabi. This film became more and more watchable with each additional Cosmo that was served. Alcohol greatly helps this film, and really most films. The fashion seems flashier, the men seem hotter, and the chatter seems bearable.

I fully recommend guys bring their dates to this movie as a super sneaky spy test into their girl’s level of crazy. In the film, Carrie Bradshaw is angry at Big for not reading her mind and buying her a beautiful 50” flat screen television that swivels when she really wanted jewelry. If I received a 50” crystal clear flat screen from my man, I would jump up and down and my man would receive a very pleasurable thank you.

Instead, Carrie uses the flat screen to start yet another argument. Dude, if the woman you are with vocalizes her agreement with Carrie in whoops and hollers at any point in this film I advise the man to run (which would be easy for him since he’s not wearing 6” Manolo’s). Any guy should pay close attention to his girlfriend’s reactions as it’s the closest thing you’re going to get to a 88mph DeLorean glimpse of what your future relationship holds.

This film is one big geek fest without thought to character development or an engrossing plot. Many of the fashionable women who buy tickets weeks in advance with their similarly obsessed, Samantha-quoting friends would disagree they are geeks, but they would be wrong. Sex and the City 2 is akin to Transformers especially if the robots wore Halston and Megan Fox was instead a team of Aussie soccer players frolicking in the pool.

The cheers heard when the Iron Man armor sprung from a suitcase and formed around Tony Stark’s tanned torso can also be heard when Carrie first stepped out of her plush Manhattan apartment in her Christian Louboutin heels adorned with a Solange Azagury Partridge necklace and MYKITA sunglasses.

In place of a lengthy, gratuitous car chase, you have a girl’s night out at a karaoke bar. It took me all of 10 minutes for Short Round and Jar Jar Binks to annoy the Prada out of me, but when Samantha makes her millionth sexual play on words it makes me giggle like a school girl. Although the girls don’t manage to save the world from vicious aliens, they do save their marriages. Which for these ladies, is no small feat. If you replace the CGI tech for fashion, the hot chicks for hot men, and the Carrie-Aidan flirtation for explosions, you have a very a clean equation of how to make women line-up for a 12:01 screening.

When purchasing tickets to this elongated fashion romp in the sand, I insist men bring their pillows and women carry their favorite Chanel clutch. If a man is even smarter, however, he’ll buy himself a round before the movie and not after. For the lucky few, who can sip Cosmos during their Gold Class Cinemas experience, this flick will go from flat to simply fabulous faster than you can say Manolo Blahnik.