‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Season One Wrap-Up

Rodeo Drive is rolling up the sidewalks for a while. The second part of the Beverly Hills Housewives Reunion has just aired and Jiggy Vanderpump is no doubt nestled in Lisa’s incredibly wealthy armpit once more. So, let’s reflect on season one.

After barely managing to get through the first episode of the Real Housewives of DC, I initially couldn’t be bothered to even record the newest franchise, Beverly Hills. Finally, in an act of holiday hiatus desperation, I settled in to give the NHOTB (much like NKOTB but sans any references to Hangin’ Tough or a Whalberg) a chance.

What stuck me was that for the most part, the women in this franchise differed from the other Bravo Housewives in two distinct ways:

These women are genuinely likable.

These women are legitimately filthy stinkin’ rich. Like, solid-gold-toilet rich.

Usually, a few of the women in each genre exude some sort of personality quirk that makes them just a little annoying. Jill Zarin (NY) is generally likable, but her manipulative and attention whoring ways did get tiresome in season two. Jeanna Keough (OC) was extremely sweet but so incredibly weak.

Tamra Barney (OC) is saucy and a barrel of monkeys, but sometimes she needs to shut her mouth and have a little humility. Everyone knows I loves me some Nene Leakes (ATL) but seriously, even I can admit that she needs to dial down the crazy from time to time. The fight in the tour bus was embarrassing.

Here’s the thing, the Beverly Hills ladies really aren’t felony annoying. Sure, Camille Grammer is, as Kyle Richards so aptly put it, delusional, but even she is relatively tame compared to the hated Danielle Staub (NJ).

The biggest drama this season took place at the finale with the revelation that Kim Richards, Kyle’s sister and Paris Hilton’s aunt, is an alcoholic. No big shocker given her tipsy mumblings and her general ridiculousness during the birthday-party-from-hell. Even so, Kim Richards: still generally likable albeit damaged.

Of course there was the usual (scripted?) drama between the ladies. Can you really stick a group of attractive, wealthy, attention seeking women together for a length of time without some sort of catfight arising? The main conflict sprouted between Kyle and Camille over a perceived slight. During the finale, they never really cleared up what was said, but signs point to Kyle being the honest one and Camille being well, I’ll say it again, delusional.

Stemming from the quarrel between Kyle and Camille was a smaller row between Taylor Armstrong and Kim. Taylor was extremely sensitive to even the suggestion of being brought into the drama (smart girl, she’s obviously watched the other Housewives shows) and immediately balked when Kim accused her of causing problems.

As a result, Taylor threatened to go all “Oklahoma” on Kim’s ass and Kim clammed up. At the reunion, Taylor was unable to clarify exactly what her threat meant, but I suspect it may have something to do with Pabst Blue Ribbon or Rodgers and Hammerstein. I guess we’ll never know.

Meanwhile, back at the 17,000 square foot estate, Lisa Vanderpump and her mesmerizing British accent were providing food and shelter for a thankless con-man with bad hair and ill defined abs. Since he’s allegedly attempted to blackmail the Vanderpumps in an effort to firmly seal the deal on his fifteen minutes, I decline to even put his name in print. Shame on you, Freeloser.

Across the street in an equally impressive shack reside Adrienne Maloof and her plastic surgeon hubby. Adrienne was very good at staying out of the drama completely. I suspect because she doesn’t need the money from the show so she probably doesn’t care if she’s boring and gets kicked off. With her money, I’d rather save my reputation than the paltry pocket change Bravo was throwing my way.

The biggest drama that Adrienne participated in was the constant good-natured bickering with her husband and occasionally providing a shoulder for Kim-the-Hot-Mess to cry on. Literally. The fact that she has tinsel in her hair, hell, that isn’t even Top 20 crazy on this network. At least she isn’t a wine swilling, tone deaf wig monkey who is tardy for the party. Just sayin’.

Now let’s talk about Demi Moore look-alike Kyle Richards. Married to real estate hottie Mauricio, she is sassy and speaks her mind. Richards is also besties with Lisa and her newfound bond with Taylor caused a little emerald-eyed monster to surface in the Brit. At the reunion, they seemed to have worked it out.

Kyle and Kim had an explosive fight at Taylor’s birthday party that resulted in an accusation of alcoholism and a revelation about Kim’s financial situation. Awkward. Sadly, at the reunion, even silk tongued Andy Cohen was unable to get them to discuss the fight or the accusations. Boo.

Then there’s poor little Taylor. The former victim of domestic abuse and current trophy wife, Taylor is struggling with her marriage. Apparently her selfish bastard husband is working eighty hours a week to keep her in lip implants and $50k birthday parties. The nerve!

Rounding out the coven is Camille Grammer who, during the season, was struggling privately with the dissolution of her marriage to Frasier star Kelsey Grammer. When not picking fights with Kyle, Camille was busy surrounding herself with yes-men and women and shamelessly flirting with (and occasionally kissing) her married bff, Nick. Her outburst at the reunion that the entire season was set up to make her look bad only solidified Kyle’s assertion…De-Lusion ain’t just a bar in Queens.

Overall, a great maiden season for the ladies of the 90210. They were real, they were housewives, and they were definitely Beverly Hills. Can’t wait for season two. Will Camille return? I guess that depends on her divorce settlement.

Watch what happens…

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