Read Ricky Gervais’ Rejected Script For This Sunday’s Oscars

On the night of January 16th, Hollywood was split in twine after Ricky Gervais’ performance as the host of the evening’s events. One half felt that Gervais went over the line with his sardonic humor and felt that he was rude and crass, while the other half understood his sense of humor and realized he was doing his job as a “comedian.”

Now, continuing in his trend of bitterness, the original Office star has posted on his blog some suggestions to Oscar hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway, in case they have time they need to fill.

Without further adieu, we present to you Ricky Gervais’ suggested script for this year’s Oscars. We’ve got what we think is a pretty good sample below, and check out the full script full of self-deprecating humor over at Gervais’ official blog.

JF
Thank you. I’m James Franco.

AH
…and I’m Anne Hathaway.

JF
You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds “way out” but wait till half way through this fucking ceremony and you’ll start to identify with him.

AH
And I’m the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.

JF
It’s a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we’re not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April.

JF
Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!

AH
No comedians tonight. And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.

JF
Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office.

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