TV RECAP: ‘Once Upon a Time’ – Ep. 305: ‘Good Form’

JENNIFER MORRISON, COLIN O'DONOGHUE

So Oncers it’s time for our weekly journey in Neverland. But this time we get a little spice in our bland Once soup with the story of Killain Jones, a good sailor gone pirate. Just like everyone, his heart was broken with grief and guilt so he went to the Dark (and roguishly handsome) Side. But a certain Savior might be melting his cold, buccaneer heart after all, as evidence by that hot and way over publicized kiss. Oh also, Henry is still with the Lost Boys and Neal is, well…

Neal is in an even worse state than when we ended last week. He gets chucked into a wooden cage by the Lost Boys and is promptly forgotten for the rest of the episode.

Back in Camp Pan, a boy literally pokes Henry with a stick to make him fight back with a conveniently available wooden sword. Pan steps in to prompt Henry to believe he’s holding a real sword and TA-DA! It works! Then Henry gets carried away and cuts the Lost Boy’s cheek but don’t worry. The best thing about being a Lost Boy is you never have to apologize.

As Henry enjoys applause for his use of violence, his family is still in Neal’s cave looking for the key to his secret star map. Emma sees that Neal stopped counting his days on the island not because he left but because he lost hope. Even Hook gravelly-voiced reassurances don’t quell her concerns for Henry. She says it’s time they “take a page from Pan and start being clever.” Why wasn’t this Plan A?

Having seen Hook putting the moves on Emma with his sensitive side, Charming goes into protective dad mode and tells the scallywag to lay off. Emma will never like him because he’s a pirate.

Whoa, hold there Charming. Just-a-pirate Hook used to be a leftenant in the British navy who didn’t tolerate bad form on his ship. Rather, his Captain/brother’s ship. They and the crew are heading out under secret orders, a “mission of [their] dreams” that will bring glory to the Jones family.

COLIN O'DONOGHUE, BERNARD CURRY

In Neverland the team is prepping a trap with some rope. Charming takes Hook with him to find more and they again discuss Charming’s incredibly slow acting poison and Hook making eyes at Emma. Fed up with the pirate’s dreamy looks at his daughter, the prince takes a weak swing at Hook but misses and passes out.

Back from commercial, the dying prince wakes up with the help of some rum. He shows Hook his spreading poison, which has nearly reached his heart. Still he’s determined to keep them on task to find Henry and not waste time saving himself. Yeah, because a funeral won’t impede their rescue operation at all. While resting up, Charming finds a strap from Hook’s brother’s bag back from when they’d made it to Neverland before. The pirate reveals that if his brother’s bag survived all these years, there might be a sextant inside that can unlock Neal’s star chart. Charming decides to spend his last few hours of life getting that sextant.

Flashback to Leftenant Hook. Enemies come upon the ship but instead of firing on them, Captain Liam Jones orders a special sail loosed. It’s made from the feathers of the legendary Pegasus so they’re up, up and away. Their new course is second star to the right and straight on till morning.

In the camp, Hook is convincing everyone that finding the sextant, and splitting up to do it, is necessary. Charming tries really hard to give away the fact that he’s dying, but no one pays attention. While the two new friends go off, the three women lure in a Lost Boy, the one with the cut cheek, with the help of a pig. Once he’s captured, Regina resorts to that old creeper standard of offering him candy. Emma has a bit more success by saying they can find a way to take him home. He takes the chocolate but chucks it away, saying he wants to be in Neverland. Then he crushes their hearts by saying it was Henry who cut his face, not Pan.

Making the climb to the sextant, Charming has Hook promise to lie to his family about how he died. Hook makes a thinly veiled reference to having lost someone close to him, his brother of course. Charming tries to strike up conversation about brothers, saying he had one too. “There were two of you?” Hook snarks back. “I can barely stomach one.”

Flashback. The Jones brothers land on the island and come upon Pan. He tells them the plant they seek isn’t a magical healer as the King has claimed it is. It’s Dream Shade, the deadly poison that can’t even kill off one measly prince. Liam balks at this and the brothers go in search of said plant.

COLIN O'DONOGHUE, BERNARD CURRY

On a landing of the cliff, Hook is about to lower the rope for Charming when Pan offers him a deal: come work for him and he’ll give him a passage off the island. With Emma. Pan references a past deal they’ve made and threatens Hook, saying, “You remember what happened last time you didn’t listen to me.” He wants Hook to kill Charming before the poison does. Should be easy since the poison is taking its sweet, sweet time. Charming scales up to Hook on his own just as Pan disappears.

Flashback again. Liam and Killian find the Dream Shade but are divided about whether its powers are healing or deadly. Liam scratches his arm with the plant to prove his point. And see he’s fine! Until he collapses to the ground. See kids, it’s all fun and games until a magical plant poisons someone.

Returning to the kidnapped Lost Boy, he spits that Henry is the most vicious boy they’ve had in a long time. Emma flips out at this and Regina comes forward to say they should rip out his heart. Then he’ll do everything they say. Snow instantly protests but Emma hesitates for a moment. She gives Regina the go-ahead and even clings to her mom to stop her from interfering. Regina swaggers forward with a sneer on her face and takes his heart. Commercial.

Emma is making apologies to Snow, who is up on her high horse doling out platitudes, as is her want. Regina, who is actually making progress toward their goal to find Henry, has her enslaved Lost Boy prepped with half a mirror to give the kid.

Buddies Charming and Hook are still en route to the sextant but Charming halts them with his sword to the pirate’s throat. He knows about Hook’s deal with Pan. The captain pleads that he didn’t accept Pan’s deal but backed up against the Dream Shade thorns he reveals something else: he lied about the sextant. Instead he’s taken Charming up this cliff to forcibly save his life.

Flashback Killian does make a deal with Pan to save his dying brother. Pan reveals a hidden life-saving spring, and Killian promises him whatever he wants in return. The water revives his brother but before they can pay Pan, they find he’s gone. Killian fails to mention (or perhaps remember) the bit about not being allowed to leave the island if you drink from the spring. It’s all very Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Slave Lost Boy brings Henry a message and the two-way mirror. Magical Skyping! The trio of mothers promise that they’re coming to get him (Henry) but he’s not as thrilled as you’d expect. He tosses aside the mirror when he sees Pan approaching.

On board the flying Jolly Roger, the brothers reconcile. Liam, who feels tip-top, is sorry for not trusting Killian. They land back in English waters but Liam instantly collapses even as Hook screams for help.

On the cliff, Hook hacks through the Dream Shade brush to get the healing waters. He cautions Charming about drinking it: once he does he can’t leave the island. Small price to pay, the prince says, and downs the drink. He thanks Hook but wonder why he would help when there wasn’t anything in it for him. Hook winks that didn’t do it for Charming.

Returning to their camp, Charming gives Hook some brownie points by saving the pirate saved his life, though he lies about the details. Everyone shares the pirate’s rum in a toast. Alone, Emma thanks Hook in her own way: with an awesome make-out session.

On the Jolly Roger, Liam’s body is thrown in the water and Killian is made Captain. He sets fire to the Pegasus sail and uses his grief and charisma to rally his sailors around a life free from the King’s rule. They’ll be pirates from here on out.

In Neverland, Pan chastises Hook for not taking his deal and makes his situation even stickier by telling him that Neal is alive and in Neverland. Speaking of, Nealfire is still in his cage and is hoisted up into the trees to dangle next to some other captured person. Well at least he’s not alone.

Fairy Dust

Charming’s big rationale for why Emma won’t ever go for Hook is that he’s a pirate. Um, when a pirate looks like Colin O’Donoghue (or Johnny Depp) women are always interested.

During auditions for their buddy cop spin off, Charming tells Hook that the pirate would’ve gotten along better with evil twin James. Anyone else think a Hook and James pair up would have been far more compelling than Hook and good prince David?

Upon returning to the camp a healed man, Charming grabs Snow for some serious kissing. She interrupts

“I’m not complaining but…” (more kissing)

“Ok, I’m complaining,” Emma says. So say we all Emma.

In the same scene, Regina’s eye rolling is superb.

I feel ashamed to admit it, but I was thrilled that Neal was unconscious this whole episode. I had enough of his drama last week.

On a similar but opposite note, no Rumple at all? Inconceivable!

I realize tonight’s episode name was already spoken earlier this season by Pan but how is it that “bad form” was uttered ten different times but “good form” never got worked in?

Next week Ariel and Ursula! Arm fail of excitement!

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