Oh Oncers, it feels like it’s been so long. In case you need a refresher: Peter Pan unleashed a curse on Stroybrooke that sent everyone back to the Enchanted Forest except Emma and Henry. They were given new happy memories courtesy of Regina. Also, Rumple (seemingly) sacrificed himself to kill Pan and save everyone. One year later, Hook showed up at Emma’s apartment door to tell the Miss Swan her family needed her. She kneed him in the groin. All set?

Starting one year ago in the Enchanted Forest. Phillip meets a pregnant Aurora for a picnic but they’re interrupted by purple clouds billowing towards them. When the skies clear, all of Storybrooke’s citizens have magically appeared. A despondent Snow says, “We’re back.”

Our World, One Year Later. A very posh looking Emma arrives for a date with her Billy Bob Thorton lookalike boyfriend. After dinner, he excused himself for a moment and Hook snags his seat. Emma still isn’t buying his story about the Enchanted Forest and all that but he does correctly guess that she has some niggling doubts about her life, her parents, etc. He gives her an address where she can find answers to those questions.

It has been a very long and exhausting(ly boring) half a season of Once Upon a Time, Oncers. But we made it! We braved the Neverland forest of perpetual setbacks and sides stories. We survived the onslaught of emotional baggage from everyone from the unusual suspects (Snow & Charming) to we-expect-better-from-you characters (Rumple).

We even managed to stay tuned in while a slew of new faces joined this entirely too large cast and enjoyed some (Ariel) while questioning the purpose of others (Tink). So now, Peter Pan’s twisted tale comes to a close, Rumple finds his courage and Emma gets to change her mind about a life-altering decision. Time for us all to go home…

Felix and fake Pan drop random vials of magic from Regina’s vault into Storybrooke’s well. But as we all recall, in order for the curse to work you have to supply the heart of the thing you love most. For Pan it’s not Rumple but Felix (a friendship/loyalty kind of love, just so we’re clear). The Lost Boy isn’t so sure about this plan and can’t we talk about this…Nope. He heart is ripped out and crushed into the well.

This is all while Gold is explaining to the main cast that the new curse will follow Pan’s evil machinations, just like the old curse did Regina’s. The solution is twofold: First, switch Pan and Henry back to their bodies, which requires the Black Fairy’s wand. Second, get the scroll back and Regina can cancel the new curse. A plan in place the team breaks their huddle while green smoke billows up from the well. Credits.

We are nearly at the end of this incredibly long (for us anyway) Neverland journey Oncers. Our heroes and some villains have returned to Storybrooke to reunite with all of the secondary character we know, love and miss. But of course, that wily Peter Pan keeps up his scheming even while trapped in Henry baby faced, yet suddenly much taller, body.

The episode opens on the quaint town of Storybrooke where nothing strange happens as long as everyone important is away. Belle takes Ariel to the docks where the mermaid instantly locks lips with hunky fisherman Eric. It feels appropriate to again point out that these two knew each for literally three minutes. But this is all just set up for the Jolly Roger to appear in the sky and swoop toward the dock. Credits.

The whole town has instantly gathered to applaud the arrival of the people they earlier said they didn’t actually miss. While everyone else gets hugs and kisses, Regina stands all alone. Snow throws her a well-deserved bone by saying for all to hear that they made it back because of the Queen.

Flashback to Regina interrupting the Charming wedding from the Pilot episode. After the ceremony, Snow is angry as hell about her big day being disturbed. Charming says the real way to stick it to Regina is to enjoy their honeymoon as soon as possible and I think we all know what’s really on his mind. The newlyweds share a genuinely cute scene together where Charming steals a kiss and I’m reminded that sometimes these two actually have on screen chemistry. Snow chooses the Summer Palace as their destination, later revealing privately to Grumpy that there’s something there that can help them defeat Regina.

It’s been two weeks since the last episode of Once Upon a Time but, just like this entire half season, it’s felt much longer. Just in case you forgot, last time on Once, Henry stopped using his brain and gave Pan his heart. The little snot is now on the path to immortality and phenomenal cosmic power! (Itty bitty living space to come later.)

Oh and because the Once family tree wasn’t weird enough, Pan is Rumple’s crappy father and also trapped him in Pandora’s Box. This week, Henry’s heart-lessness is resolved rather speedily, Regina remembers her maternal roots and out mothers both Emma and Snow, and Pan proves his much more than a one trick pony.

We start with a flashback to the Enchanted Forest. The curse is billowing toward the castle and Regina poofs into the dungeon where Rumple’s being held. She’s come to gloat about having cast the curse, which really makes no sense because he egged her on to do it. He just wants to pour salt in the open wound that is Regina killing her father to cast the curse.

As always, the Queen is masking her pain with swagger, saying she feels invincible even in the face of Rumple’s revelation about the Charmings’ savoir baby. He gets in one last dig before she skips off to gloat over Snow. “There’s a hole in your heart and someday you will come to me to fill it,” he sneers. Credits.

In an incredibly surprising turn of events, there is once again forward momentum on Once Upon a Time! Henry’s family even finds the kid and we get a nice bit of background for my beloved Rumplestiltskin. Sadly, “Think Lovely Thoughts” is also so packed with contrivances it dulls the otherwise tasty plot developments.

Everything from Pan’s origin story (especially the source of his name) to Henry’s inexplicable stupidity made me cringe, dear Oncers. But still we carry on, so let’s begin with a flashback, shall we?

A card hustler gets beaten up and robbed after swindling one too many customers. His son tries to intervene with the help of his adorable eyes and precious Scottish accent but it’s no use. Dad is a deadbeat for poor baby Rumple.

In Neverland, Pan reminds Henry that saving magic will save Wendy and everyone else. Henry, clearly being driven by hormones and a childish fantasy to be the hero like in his fairytale book, says he’s ready to do his duty.

An incredible thing happened in “Dark Hollow” on this week’s Once Upon a Time. There was actual progress toward the goal of finding Henry. Things literally happened instead of just more stagnant set up. The plan to get off the island after rescuing Henry is set, Emma makes a choice between her suitors, Ariel proves surprisingly useful and much more fun than in her titular episode, and we learn who Pan is keeping locked up in a wooden cage. Also, Belle and Storybrooke remain awesome and far more interesting than the Neverland lot. So let’s swoop in to “Dark Hollow…”

Just five days ago in the Once universe, Belle said goodbye to her true love. This scene it’s just as touching as the first time. I miss this pairing so much. While she tearfully watches the Jolly Roger disappear, the rest of the town runs up to celebrate having been saved. Belle shuts them up by saying Greg and Tamara took Henry and producing the cloaking spell for the Blue Fairy to examine.

On the road to Storybrooke, a red convertible carrying some Hipsters approaches. (Seriously, that’s not the beginning of a joke.)

I have to tell you Oncers, I’m starting to worry about our magical show. We spend yet another episode in Neverland and seem to get very little accomplished once again toward the goal of rescuing Henry (who doesn’t even appear in “Ariel” though that might be an improvement really). We do however get confirmation yet again that Regina is the best character (and actress) on Once and that Rumple hasn’t completely lost his ability to put together a deal or a plan. Oh and of course, there’s Ariel, whose flashback story is really somewhat pointless until the plot at then end calls for her.

So we start in the old Enchanted Forest where Snow White is running away from Regina’s guards.  She skids to a halt at a cliff overlooking the ocean but then takes a daring leap into the waters where she is recued by a red-headed mermaid, Ariel.

In Neverland, Regina is pushing Emma to concentrate to use her magic. Ms. Savior doesn’t want to use her anger as a trigger, which makes sense since she was about to use love every other time but she apparently doesn’t remember that. See, Rumple, this is why they need you. The Queen is disgusted with Emma’s reluctance, saying, “You’re such a pathetic waste of ability.” This fires up Emma’s temper and the campfire she was trying to magic.

Regina is pleased while Emma’s parents are trying not to be too mortified. They get a nice bit of distraction from Hook who, in a show of surprising honesty, tells them about Neal. While the men agree that not telling Emma until they’re sure about Neal’s alive or dead state, Snow feels uncomfortable lying to her daughter. Personally, I think she should embrace this opportunity to make up for missed chances to lie to her kid about things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

So Oncers it’s time for our weekly journey in Neverland. But this time we get a little spice in our bland Once soup with the story of Killain Jones, a good sailor gone pirate. Just like everyone, his heart was broken with grief and guilt so he went to the Dark (and roguishly handsome) Side. But a certain Savior might be melting his cold, buccaneer heart after all, as evidence by that hot and way over publicized kiss. Oh also, Henry is still with the Lost Boys and Neal is, well…

Neal is in an even worse state than when we ended last week. He gets chucked into a wooden cage by the Lost Boys and is promptly forgotten for the rest of the episode.

Back in Camp Pan, a boy literally pokes Henry with a stick to make him fight back with a conveniently available wooden sword. Pan steps in to prompt Henry to believe he’s holding a real sword and TA-DA! It works! Then Henry gets carried away and cuts the Lost Boy’s cheek but don’t worry. The best thing about being a Lost Boy is you never have to apologize.

As Henry enjoys applause for his use of violence, his family is still in Neal’s cave looking for the key to his secret star map. Emma sees that Neal stopped counting his days on the island not because he left but because he lost hope. Even Hook gravelly-voiced reassurances don’t quell her concerns for Henry. She says it’s time they “take a page from Pan and start being clever.” Why wasn’t this Plan A?

Oh Oncers, we’re back again for some Neverland adventures and general stupidity by all adults present.

We start with the recently captured Bae being led through the forest by Felix. “You were a Lost Boy,” Felix says. Bae isn’t interested in reminiscing so Felix continues. “You may have grown up Baelfire but it appears you have grown up stupid.” Seriously, right? Bae proves us all wrong (for once) by slipping out of his hand ties and knocking out Felix.

Flashback to Papa Dark One and baby Bae who is definitely looking like teenage Bae. Daddy gives his son a nice little knife but Bae doesn’t want anything that his dad took from someone else as payment. He wants to leave their little house and play with some friends. Rumple counters that he could build them a castle but Bae doesn’t want that either. At a loss, Rumple says he’s just concerned that his enemies will hurt Bae if the boy leaves.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you,” he says. Go a little crazy and use your magic to weave an elaborate plan to get him back probably.

A big new character debuts tonight but will she be the cute, charming Tinker Bell that lights up the Disney castle or the snotty one who nearly got Wendy and Peter killed? Let’s find out Oncers…

Our company once again traipses through the woods. Charming is struggling to keep up and Snow teases him, “David Nolan let himself go?” Just as they’re getting close to the camp, as indicated by the map, it moves. As the bickering about what to do next starts up, Hook helpfully suggests they seek out a fairy he knew in Neverland. She might be able to help them find Henry/take care of Pan.

The leader of the Lost Boys is currently waking up Henry with the offering of an apple. Henry refuses the treat. “It’s a family thing,” he says. But Pan only wants him to use it for target practice. Henry is egged on to shoot a poisoned arrow at an apple on Felix’s head. He wisely tries to shoot Pan instead, who deftly catches the arrow and looks rather pleased with Henry’s decision.

Cut to the Dark Castle where Neal is frantically looking for something to use to make a portal to Neverland. He deduces that Henry must be the boy Pan was looking for all that time ago. The loud rummaging has summoned Robin Hood’s men, including Little John. He shows up with Robin’s son in tow and Neal suddenly has an idea.