It has been a very long and exhausting(ly boring) half a season of Once Upon a Time, Oncers. But we made it! We braved the Neverland forest of perpetual setbacks and sides stories. We survived the onslaught of emotional baggage from everyone from the unusual suspects (Snow & Charming) to we-expect-better-from-you characters (Rumple).

We even managed to stay tuned in while a slew of new faces joined this entirely too large cast and enjoyed some (Ariel) while questioning the purpose of others (Tink). So now, Peter Pan’s twisted tale comes to a close, Rumple finds his courage and Emma gets to change her mind about a life-altering decision. Time for us all to go home…

Felix and fake Pan drop random vials of magic from Regina’s vault into Storybrooke’s well. But as we all recall, in order for the curse to work you have to supply the heart of the thing you love most. For Pan it’s not Rumple but Felix (a friendship/loyalty kind of love, just so we’re clear). The Lost Boy isn’t so sure about this plan and can’t we talk about this…Nope. He heart is ripped out and crushed into the well.

This is all while Gold is explaining to the main cast that the new curse will follow Pan’s evil machinations, just like the old curse did Regina’s. The solution is twofold: First, switch Pan and Henry back to their bodies, which requires the Black Fairy’s wand. Second, get the scroll back and Regina can cancel the new curse. A plan in place the team breaks their huddle while green smoke billows up from the well. Credits.

We are nearly at the end of this incredibly long (for us anyway) Neverland journey Oncers. Our heroes and some villains have returned to Storybrooke to reunite with all of the secondary character we know, love and miss. But of course, that wily Peter Pan keeps up his scheming even while trapped in Henry baby faced, yet suddenly much taller, body.

The episode opens on the quaint town of Storybrooke where nothing strange happens as long as everyone important is away. Belle takes Ariel to the docks where the mermaid instantly locks lips with hunky fisherman Eric. It feels appropriate to again point out that these two knew each for literally three minutes. But this is all just set up for the Jolly Roger to appear in the sky and swoop toward the dock. Credits.

The whole town has instantly gathered to applaud the arrival of the people they earlier said they didn’t actually miss. While everyone else gets hugs and kisses, Regina stands all alone. Snow throws her a well-deserved bone by saying for all to hear that they made it back because of the Queen.

Flashback to Regina interrupting the Charming wedding from the Pilot episode. After the ceremony, Snow is angry as hell about her big day being disturbed. Charming says the real way to stick it to Regina is to enjoy their honeymoon as soon as possible and I think we all know what’s really on his mind. The newlyweds share a genuinely cute scene together where Charming steals a kiss and I’m reminded that sometimes these two actually have on screen chemistry. Snow chooses the Summer Palace as their destination, later revealing privately to Grumpy that there’s something there that can help them defeat Regina.

It’s been two weeks since the last episode of Once Upon a Time but, just like this entire half season, it’s felt much longer. Just in case you forgot, last time on Once, Henry stopped using his brain and gave Pan his heart. The little snot is now on the path to immortality and phenomenal cosmic power! (Itty bitty living space to come later.)

Oh and because the Once family tree wasn’t weird enough, Pan is Rumple’s crappy father and also trapped him in Pandora’s Box. This week, Henry’s heart-lessness is resolved rather speedily, Regina remembers her maternal roots and out mothers both Emma and Snow, and Pan proves his much more than a one trick pony.

We start with a flashback to the Enchanted Forest. The curse is billowing toward the castle and Regina poofs into the dungeon where Rumple’s being held. She’s come to gloat about having cast the curse, which really makes no sense because he egged her on to do it. He just wants to pour salt in the open wound that is Regina killing her father to cast the curse.

As always, the Queen is masking her pain with swagger, saying she feels invincible even in the face of Rumple’s revelation about the Charmings’ savoir baby. He gets in one last dig before she skips off to gloat over Snow. “There’s a hole in your heart and someday you will come to me to fill it,” he sneers. Credits.

In an incredibly surprising turn of events, there is once again forward momentum on Once Upon a Time! Henry’s family even finds the kid and we get a nice bit of background for my beloved Rumplestiltskin. Sadly, “Think Lovely Thoughts” is also so packed with contrivances it dulls the otherwise tasty plot developments.

Everything from Pan’s origin story (especially the source of his name) to Henry’s inexplicable stupidity made me cringe, dear Oncers. But still we carry on, so let’s begin with a flashback, shall we?

A card hustler gets beaten up and robbed after swindling one too many customers. His son tries to intervene with the help of his adorable eyes and precious Scottish accent but it’s no use. Dad is a deadbeat for poor baby Rumple.

In Neverland, Pan reminds Henry that saving magic will save Wendy and everyone else. Henry, clearly being driven by hormones and a childish fantasy to be the hero like in his fairytale book, says he’s ready to do his duty.

Oh Oncers, we’re back again for some Neverland adventures and general stupidity by all adults present.

We start with the recently captured Bae being led through the forest by Felix. “You were a Lost Boy,” Felix says. Bae isn’t interested in reminiscing so Felix continues. “You may have grown up Baelfire but it appears you have grown up stupid.” Seriously, right? Bae proves us all wrong (for once) by slipping out of his hand ties and knocking out Felix.

Flashback to Papa Dark One and baby Bae who is definitely looking like teenage Bae. Daddy gives his son a nice little knife but Bae doesn’t want anything that his dad took from someone else as payment. He wants to leave their little house and play with some friends. Rumple counters that he could build them a castle but Bae doesn’t want that either. At a loss, Rumple says he’s just concerned that his enemies will hurt Bae if the boy leaves.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you,” he says. Go a little crazy and use your magic to weave an elaborate plan to get him back probably.

A big new character debuts tonight but will she be the cute, charming Tinker Bell that lights up the Disney castle or the snotty one who nearly got Wendy and Peter killed? Let’s find out Oncers…

Our company once again traipses through the woods. Charming is struggling to keep up and Snow teases him, “David Nolan let himself go?” Just as they’re getting close to the camp, as indicated by the map, it moves. As the bickering about what to do next starts up, Hook helpfully suggests they seek out a fairy he knew in Neverland. She might be able to help them find Henry/take care of Pan.

The leader of the Lost Boys is currently waking up Henry with the offering of an apple. Henry refuses the treat. “It’s a family thing,” he says. But Pan only wants him to use it for target practice. Henry is egged on to shoot a poisoned arrow at an apple on Felix’s head. He wisely tries to shoot Pan instead, who deftly catches the arrow and looks rather pleased with Henry’s decision.

Cut to the Dark Castle where Neal is frantically looking for something to use to make a portal to Neverland. He deduces that Henry must be the boy Pan was looking for all that time ago. The loud rummaging has summoned Robin Hood’s men, including Little John. He shows up with Robin’s son in tow and Neal suddenly has an idea.

Well Oncers, this was an episode with a lot of things I cannot stand (Snow and Charming’s gushy optimism) but also some things that I absolutely adore (Rumbelle and Hook’s everything). Read on and let me know what you thought.

We start with Rumple building himself a cozy campfire using his magic. Then he makes quick work of hacking off his shadow using his Dark One dagger. Once his shadow is loose, he gives it his dagger to hide from everyone including himself but mostly Pan.

While Rumple continues on his own, the Storybrooke 5 are tromping through the brush. Regina again establishes her place as the most objective and snarkiest of the lot. “You know, I could’ve just poofed us up here in an instant.” So true Evil Queen, but Hook insists it is safer to travel on foot. Safe from the poisoned thorns that Charming really wants to cut through? Guess they can just take the long way ‘round.

Emma and Snow have an awkward talk about the fact that Emma still calls her mom “Mary Margaret.” Snow suggests “Mom,” Once audiences suggest “Snow,” but Emma thinks the former should be saved for life or death situations and the former for never. So Mary Margaret it is then?

We again hear about Peter Pan’s wickedness from Hook, who says he’s the most treacherous villain. The company comes to a cliff (maybe the same one as Henry from last episode) and stare at the Dark Forest below. Time to make camp and head for the forest tomorrow.

It’s the second season home stretch Oncers! Let’s dive in. We begin with our dear Captain Hook asking about the boy they fished out of the water. Smee says he’s fine and also smartly surmises that he was probably dropped by the Shadow. Smee recommends tossing the boy back ASAP. Below decks Hook and Bae have a heart to heart where within a minute the boy has told the Captain that his mother was killed by a pirate and his father abandoned him. Also, he hates magic.

Hook, proving to be more than a pretty face, puts two and two together and asks the boy his name. To my eternal disappointment he truthfully answers “Baelfire” instead of lying by saying “Peter Pan.” Hook is surprised by his good fortune and more than a bit pleased. He even hides the son of his dead lover from the creepy bounty hunters known as the Lost Ones (but really the Lost Boys) who come looking for him, presumably at the Shadow’s bidding. Hook hardly bats an eye when Head Lost Boy tells him the punishment for lying/disobedience is having your shadow riiiiiiipppped from your body. The band of not-so-merry ones departs and Hook’s impressed with Bae’s ability to stay hidden.

We open with young Bae going through the magic bean portal and dropping into a land without magic. He stares in wonder at old timey London. “What is this place?” he says. A whole new wooooorrrrrld! Credits.

Six months later and baby Bae is scrounging for food in the garbage. He uses an unattended ladder to sneak into a manor house through the window. Within a minute of scarfing down some tasty looking bread, he’s caught by a dog (Nana!) and a young girl. Taking in his street rat appearance and the stolen bread in his hands and pockets, she lowers her weapon (a candlestick) and offers Bae as much bread as he wants. We learn her name too: Wendy Darling.

In Storybrooke, grown up Bae awakens to find Tamara is getting ready for to workout. She’s training for a marathon (…of evil!). Neal says, “Come back to bed. I’ll give you a workout.” Ew. She declines, heads out, and meets up with Oweg in the, I’m assuming abandoned, canning factory. They’ve got Regina strapped to a table and at the moment Hook is talking with the subdued Queen. He tells her that Tamara and Oweg want him to kill Rumplestiltskin, which he’s pretty excited about it, but obviously not in any hurry to do. Regina questions why he trusts them and says he has no idea who they really are.